Client Stories
BUILDING ON A STRONG FOUNDATION – CLIENT PROFILE
“What if the healing of the world utterly de-pends on the ten-thousand invisible kind-nesses we offer simply and quietly throughout the pilgrimage of each human life?” Wayne Muller
I realized early into my conversation with 24-year-old Miranda that even though she wanted to share her story for this newsletter, it was the time to put the pen down and stop taking notes. Some stories are simply too painful to pass on and Miranda’s was one of them. Tears welled up in her eyes she shared the extreme hardships she had endured as a child, her struggle through recovery and her ongoing journey out of the emotional pain she carries. I met Miranda several weeks ago as she waited in our lobby before we opened the food bank and found her to be a beautiful young woman, soft spoken and trusting, and mother of two energetic and happy children. Miranda’s husband Tony lights up when he talks about her. ‚I love my wife…I was really blessed when I met Miranda.‛
Their personal struggle began in earnest several months ago after Tony lost his job. Suddenly they found themselves homeless, looking for work, and struggling to keep a roof over their heads. Hardship was not new to this couple. ‚I grew up in a family infused with alcoholism, and struggled with my own addition since I was fifteen‛, Tony shares with me. ‚I am in my fifth year of recovery and it will be something that I always deal with and I know the longer I stay sober the better.‛ Like any father, Tony wants the best for his family. ‚There’s been a lot of ups and downs…we’ve been through a lot together. My hope is to rise above these challenges and raise my family. That’s what I want.‛ I wondered what it feels like to be a husband and father of young children and face homelessness. Tony shared that his greatest fear is, ‚to make sure my family is taken care of…I was worried that we would be split apart. ‚ He shares that, ‚The hardest part is the powerlessness that you can feel. But I try not to focus on the fact that I am homeless. Instead, I do my best to move forward. Everyday I tell myself, ‘I can make it. I will make it.’ I live for today and not what has happened behind me.‛
Tony is actively seeking work as a painter, but his real dream is to save enough money to go to school and obtain his Commercial Driver’s License so that he can provide for his family as a truck driver. Until that time, Tony volunteers at the Bremerton Foodline and whether he is assisting clients or unloading donations, he doesn’t shy away from hard work. ‚I love coming here. I love giving back to this community.‛ It’s precisely this community spirit that keeps he and Miranda coming back to help others even as they themselves are struggling to get back on their feet. In fact, as we were getting ready to distribute thanksgiving food boxes yesterday, Miranda came down and said, ‚I had to come here today and help!‛
Reflecting on his family, Tony offers a hopeful perspective as he and Miranda move forward. ‚When the light dims and we don’t see the whole picture…that’s when the miracles happen. And no matter what happens, my foundation will not be moved.‛
A TINY SPECK OF LIGHT – CLIENT PROFILE
“What if the healing of the world utterly de-pends on the ten-thousand invisible kind-nesses we offer simply and quietly throughout the pilgrimage of each human life?” Wayne Muller
“Lee” (not her real name) has been in hiding for three years now. A woman of faith and commitment, she does not see herself as courageous or strong. Instead, she proudly refers to herself as “the leader of my clan”, which includes three children of her own, three grandchildren, and her son-in-law who just deployed with the 81st Brigade.
Ten years ago, she met a man who, like herself, was a single parent . When they married, he faithfully attended church, owned his own business, while she continued her full-time job as a Certified Nursing Assistant. Life was good. Nine months into their marriage, however, life began to dramatically change. Returning late one day from the grocery store, she was threatened, “next time you say you’ll be here at a certain time, you need to be here!” She was fifteen minutes late. Lee was taken aback, but she believed in commitment and was determined to try harder. A few months later she visited her sister who lived nearby, and left a note that she would come home soon. When she returned a short while later, he was livid. She tried to console him, but he backhanded her so hard that she was thrown across the room and landed on a table. Lee was pregnant. A long cycle of domestic violence began.
She knew her husband was a Vietnam vet and suffered from night sweats and horrible dreams…so she decided to stay even though his emotional grip on her life tightened. “The kids must be perfect, the meals must be perfect, the house must be perfect.” Nothing was never enough. When he hit her again, she said she was leaving until he agreed to be admitted for inpatient psychiatric care. After he was released from the hospital, she took him back. Her outlook on life was, “if the cup is half-full, don’t give up!” Looking back, one of the saddest days she faced was in marriage counseling. After her husband vehemently denied her description of the abuse, one of the pastors turned to her and said, “Maybe you should not talk to your husband that way.”
Lee lived through several more years of violence, until she finally left for good. Determined to be finally free, she turned to the YWCA (another amazing agency), and they proceeded to help her in every community across several states until she arrived in Kitsap County, where she began her new life.
Lee has never relied on public assistance but she turned to the Bremerton Foodline early last Fall, when her paycheck did not cover her expenses and she needed help with food. She called us again just before Christmas to see if she could receive assistance getting presents for her younger children and grandchildren. “Coincidentally”, an hour later, a woman called and asked if there was a family that might want some help with gifts. “As a matter of fact…I do!” The match was made. She says her son knows, “Santa brought his presents to the Bremerton Food-line.”
Two months ago, when Lee realized that her husband tracked her down to this area, she panicked. Terrified, Lee took leave from her job, left her home and decided to go camping and hide with her family. Putting on a brave face for the young kids, she made it seem like a great family adventure instead of the stressful experience that it was. To help out, we filled her coolers with all the camping supplies we could find and connected her with our wonderful partners at Kitsap Community Resources, who assisted Lee find safe transitional housing. Now back at work, Lee is regaining her footing as she figures out her next steps. Amazingly after all this, Lee still looks to her future with confidence, hope and that same “if the cup is half full, don’t give up!” attitude.
What wisdom would she pass onto others in similar circumstances? “Believe in yourself, and don’t let anyone take away the goodness of you.” And when I asked her, “What has the Bremerton Foodline meant to you?”, she responded with conviction: “You have no idea…I was in a dark tunnel…a tunnel so dark, I couldn’t even see the walls. There were five corridors each pointing to a different direction and I didn’t know which way to turn. Then way off in the distance, there was a tiny speck of light…and I walked toward it.. It was the Bremerton Foodline.”
SUSTAINED BYTHE KINDNESS OF STRANGERS – CLIENT PROFILE
“What if the healing of the world utterly de-pends on the ten-thousand invisible kind-nesses we offer simply and quietly throughout the pilgrimage of each human life?” Wayne Muller
A year ago, a young woman in her late 20’s entered my office with two beautiful young children on her arm. As I came to know Kristin, I learned that she is working full time, struggling to get by, and trying extremely hard to be a good mother to her children. Kristin is the type of person you just want to succeed—to break through the barriers of her economic circumstances—and finally thrive.
Looking back on her childhood in California, Kristin felt as if she lived in two separate worlds: one was wonderful and the other intolerable. She remembers her grandfather to be a very positive presence in her life, while her mother was abusive. By the age of 13, Kristin became rebellious and placed in the juvenile system. At 15, she ran away from home. She was eventually placed into a loving foster home, but all too soon, Kristin aged out of the foster system, and found herself on her own with nowhere to go and no life skills.
As the years went by, Kristin gave birth to three children…”alone”. Though she wanted to work, she was unable to get a job because she couldn’t afford day care. In order to survive in this high-cost of living area, she would walk down to the corner grocer each morning to panhandle…with her kids in a stroller. On good days, she would raise enough money to stay in a motel for the night and buy a little food or maybe some diapers. But on the bad days, Kristin remembers going without eating in order to buy Tylenol for her sick children.
Despite her difficulties, Kristin is someone who has an eye for the goodness in others. In fact, “it was other people’s kindness that kept me alive for a whole year,” she shares. And indeed there were many unexpected kindnesses along the way. Amazingly, one woman even approached her and said, “You look like you need a break”, and then proceeded to take Kristin and her children to Disneyland, treating them to a wonderful day, souvenirs and all.
A few months later, when Kristin decided she needed to move closer to family in Bremerton, another compassionate woman at the Greyhound station found a way to charge her only $100 for bus tickets she needed for herself and her kids. Not coincidentally, this was all the money she had in the world. When she arrived on the last ferry to Bainbridge Island with no where to go, someone saw her situation and offered her a place to stay for the night, and a ride to Bremerton the next day. As she drove on Hwy 3 toward Bremerton, Kristin remembers a bald eagle swooped down and nearly hit the windshield. She was amazed at the eagle’s immense wingspan and in that moment felt it was a sign that things would get better.
And little by little they did. Kristin eventually connected with Kitsap Community Resources who helped her find suitable day care. Within weeks she found a job. Life was hectic juggling work and children on her own, but she says, “the stress of everything was way better than being homeless.” On a particularly difficult day, a Kitsap Transit bus driver handed her a note card that said, “Smile”, and once again she felt incredibly touched by the generosity of a stranger.
Thanks to your support, the Bremerton Foodline has been a place for Kristin to not only to receive food assistance and the occasional help with gas, but also a place of warmth, acceptance, and kindness. “This is the most non-judgmental place I’ve ever been.” Smile.
IN OUR OWN BACKYARD…LOURDE’S JOURNEY THROUGH HOMELESSNESS
“What if the healing of the world utterly de-pends on the ten-thousand invisible kind-nesses we offer simply and quietly throughout the pilgrimage of each human life?” Wayne Muller
Lourdes, or “Lou” as everyone calls her, seems touched that we wanted to share her story in this newsletter. “No one has ever asked me this before.” When I met her this past Thanksgiving, Lou was living in her van, her hair disheveled…her spirit downcast. The Bremerton Foodline put her up for a couple of nights at a local motel so she could get a decent night’s sleep and a shower. The next day, it was like I was meeting a new person. A brightness in Lou’s eyes had returned…and her generosity shined as she stepped in to give us a hand serving our other clients.
Lou’s journey through homeless has it’s roots in domestic abuse and the ensuing credit and legal problems that followed. But Lou reminds me that she was not always in this situation. Her family emigrated from Guam in the early 70’s to California. One of twelve children, she moved in with her mother in a small 2-bedroom apartment in LA. “I grew up with no love because there were too many of us. My father was a drunk. I watched the abuse,” she shares. The violence and living situation that surrounded her neighborhood compelled her to join her sister and move to Washington. At the time she had three young children of her own to take care of and $30 in her pocket. Her children, now grown, are the light of her life. She is incredibly proud that all three are serving in the US Army as officers, two of them overseas. Like many parents, Lou emphasized doing well in school, holding her kids accountable, and getting good grades. “I knew that nothing was going to be given to them…they would have to earn it.” And they have.
The downturn in her life began in the early 90’s when she became involved with a partner that was emotionally abusive and manipulative. “I was blinded by love,” she says. After a period of many years, her credit and good record eroded along with her self esteem. She explains that she defended herself in a domestic violence situation that resulted in a charge and plea bargain against her. In the ensuing months, Lou lost her home, and although she had a modest source of income, she was unable to find housing because her record now meant, “she was a threat”. Lou’s pride would not allow her to let her kids help because, “she doesn’t want them to be embarrassed.” So moved into the only shelter she had…her car..which she jokingly tells me, “was held together with duct tape!”
When asked why most people she knew become homeless, she shares that, “no one wants to be homeless. Who would want to? It has got to be something drastic that happens in their life like getting fired, leaving abusive situations, running from the law, or poor credit…And once you are homeless it’s very hard to get back into the system.” Looking back, Lou says the hardest part of being homeless is the shame you feel when you steal apples from someone’s tree just to eat, drink water from fountains, or use public facilities to stay clean. “The streets are hard…It’s cold…and it’s hard to find people who are compassionate.”
The Bremerton Foodline has been that place of compassion for Lou…a safe haven. She describes our agency as, “a comfortable place for people to come with no prejudice.” Lou also wants you to know that she is deeply grateful to the other “Angels of Humanity” as she calls us, who helped her in recent months including the Director of St. Vincent de Paul, Denise Agee.
Lou tells me many times, “I am a fighter.” And with deep pride, not to mention an amazing coincidence, she stopped by shortly after we talked to let me know that she has finally found a new home. With deposit assistance from our agency, Lou moved in a couple of weeks ago, renting from another one of her proclaimed “Angels” who was willing to give her a second chance. She has nothing but a few blankets to fill her rooms, but it’s a new beginning…one that she deserves…one that she has waited a long time for!